Say cheese! Cottage cheese that is.

Today I did one of those studies.  You know the kind that pays you a certain amount of money to try a new migraine medicine or anti-fungal foot cream.  This one was right up my alley because it is a cream that should miraculously make my fat look less squishy and lumpy.   I am all for anything that minimizes actual exercise time.  I don’t care if it is an illusion, I am happy just giving the impression that I am firm and toned even though I am not.

It was a nice cross section of people.  I would say a 30’something, 40’something, 50’something and one of the next two decades was represented as well.  They were stylish, attractive, pleasant, with an amused and hopeful attitude about our little endeavor.  The elephant in the room that we were all ignoring?  The before pictures.

Yes indeed, studies like this involve a before and after picture.  Since most cellulite resides in well-hidden places, we were required to wear a bikini for this expose.   Apparently I was not the only one who had difficulty scrounging an actual bikini from the back of the closet.  Sure, I have tons of tank-inis.  The age appropriate way of hiding a tummy more effectively then a snug one piece.  With a proper tank-ini, boobs are pushed up and out while behind the curtain safely hidden from view lies all that bonus belly that comes from too many cheetos and binging on Downton Abbey.  Somehow we all managed to find something that would work.  Free product is a powerful motivator.

Step 1 accomplished.  Bikini is found.  Step 2; removing the winter coat.  This took so long I was actually 5 minutes late.   Step 3; take several tablespoons of pepto bismol.  I have had some horrific stomach bug since early Tuesday morning.  Posing for a before picture in a bikini is not when you want to have the bug rear its ugly head.  I know, I should have canceled.  Again, free product.

They take us back to the studio and introduce us to the photographer.  OH.MY.GOD.  Our photographer is the guy every girl wants to marry or date or just mug with all night in college.  He is of course arty; he is a photographer.  But he is also model caliber good looking.  YES!  YES! YES!!!!!!!  We are product whores.   Why else would we stand mostly naked and point out to Mr. Hunka Hunka Burning love where the most unsightly parts of our body are so he can photograph them.   I am so ashamed.  So ashamed that I signed up for another study that starts Friday.  With another before picture.  Sigh.