End of the day goodness

End of the day goodness
Backyard travel

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Begininning at the End.

This is my second attempt to blog.  My first attempt was 3 or 4 years ago and I wrote one or two entries and then…I killed it.  This is typical behavior.  I have been a serial journal killer for years.  Occasionally I come across one of my victims in a box or under a bed or stashed with the cookbooks.  I read the 4 pages, then thumb through the pages and pages of random thoughts that were never written down.  I am pretty sure this was a good thing for all journals before age 30.   Occasionally my best friend torturers me with a note I wrote her in high school or middle school.  It is so painful to acknowledge yes, that is my handwriting, I had to be the pinhead who wrote that. 

Speaking of my best friend, she is the motivation behind this particular entry.  If I were to create a life diagram, most of my happiest moments would trace back to her.  She introduced me to my husband, she was next to me when I had my first child, my first trip to New York,  Big Bend, Luckenbach TX.  You can never under estimate a pilgrimage to Luckenbach TX.  Of course life isn’t all trips to exotic places and major life events.   Into every life a little rain must fall and in those moments she has always been my soul’s umbrella.. 

These days we mostly spend our time solving the world’s problems and working on enlightenment over Thai food a few times a month.  Sometimes the enlightenment involves discussing what giant assholes our husbands can be, or how God forbid we are turning into our parents.  Other moments are more sublime, like three years ago when Michelle shared with me an idea she got from a blog.  The idea was not to have a New Year’s resolution but a word to focus on instead.   YES!!!  I was so in on this plan.  Most of my 4 page journals are failed New Year’s resolutions.  Most of my half finished paintings are failed resolutions.  And all the jeans of a certain size…..you see where this is going.   The first year my word was kindness.  It was very odd, just by picking the word; I suddenly became very aware of how many kind things were going on around me.  It was a great word.  It was a year where I needed to be reminded how important it is and what a difference it makes to the people you love. 

The next year, big gapping hole.  I can never remember that word.  It must have been a bad pick because honestly, Michelle has to remind me what I chose.  I might as well have picked the word forget because that would apparently fit.

This year I picked savor.  This was a marvelous word.   So good I am tempted to stick with it again for next year.  It is acceptable in the world of word pickers to do that but somehow for me it feels like a cheat.   It would be like naming every book Plot. 

But, I get ahead of myself.  This whole long lead in is suppose to be about 2013 and the word savor.  When I picked the word, I envisioned a little man like Hercule Poirot picking up a wine glass, sniffling it, taking a bit into his mouth, swishing it around and finally tasting it.  But only after experiencing it completely.   I liked the thought of experiencing life in this way.  Not in the hurry-scurry tequila shot way of getting through a day.  Of course there is a time and place for going quick and painless.  I can’t exactly picture savoring a pap smear.  In fact a real shot of tequila beforehand might be the ticket there.  But for other things, like a hot shower on a cold day, hugs,  apple pie a la mode I noticed these things were even more delicious when I took time to see them and swish them around in my mind.  For me, 2013 has been a 12 course meal of the finest food served on paper plates.  

I tend to be the activity pusher in our family.  I am constantly researching the must do activities going on in our area.  I tend to overload everyone on culture.  At 2 and 3 I took the girls to a Chris Ofili exhibit. They loved it, they were at the right age to enjoy pictures of monkeys with real elephant dung incorporated.  Yeah, you are always the right age to enjoy that.  At 4 and 5 we went to see Caravaggio, they lovingly refer to that one as the headless paintings exhibit.  This year is was Peruvian art.  See what I mean, activity pusher.  No 5, 6 year old kid or 48 year old Dad in their right mind says, “Gee, I am dying to go see Peruvian textile art.”   Culture isn’t all I push.  I plan trips, zoo outings, hikes, as long as it doesn’t involve cleaning the house, I am all over it.  Then came the great revolt of 2013.  Everyone decided being at home in their jammies was preferable to almost any outing.   Oh dear God, in a year where I picked savor, I was going to have to savor my own home.  For Spring Break, we had a stay-cation.  For summer break, stay-cation.  For Thanksgiving, stay-cation.  And here we are at Winter break, yep, I have left the house for legos and milk. 

What is the saying…happiness begins at home.   This was my year to discover home.  Once I got over all the other things we could be experiencing, I realized everyone was experiencing great things right here.   I have enjoyed the impromptu dance performances the girls give.   We cook together and Helen has become master of the scrambled egg.  John and I sit outside listening to music and enjoying each other’s company without distraction.   I had forgotten that moments do not have to be events to be special.  Moments can just be moments.  It reminds me of something Lauren once said.  She was looking up and I asked what she was doing.  She said, “ I am watching the stars bloom”.   Life is always blooming.  I just have to remember to watch, sniff, swish and taste.