The Great Shopkin War

I actually posted the first part of this on FB but my kids took the play in such a funny direction that I felt the need to add on. Since this is my online journal, it will be easier for me to get back to this spot someday then to pick up the hashtag skill.

It is not my favorite thing to play Shopkins with the kids but they are so happy when I do. Since the monsoons have hit, I have agreed, hoping to keep peace as a tradeoff. My normal character is Crescent D'or. He is married to Madame Cheesecake, who is both beautiful and brave. This is Lauren's character. She shoots thunder with her bow and arrow and destroys it dead in its tracks. I am being summoned, they noticed I snuck off. Bon jour!

Chapter two in the Shopkin story: Once summoned back to my Kingdom by the royal subjects, things had gone bad. A family of Littlest Pet shop characters was trying to move into the strawberry house. My fair queen cheesecake doesn't always like to share and tried her hardest to oust the LPS group out of town. I told her I was king and I believe in diversity. She did not like it, but when I threatened to make her read the rest of the afternoon, she saw reason.

Then there was the terrible toilet problem. With so many families moving to our town, no one had a butt butler but those of us residing in our castle. :) Peasants were showing up left and right just to take a pee. I asked one LPS cat why she didn't just go outside like other cats. She informed me in no uncertain terms that she is just as civilized as I am. Fare enough, but our poor shopkin toilet was becoming overworked. I found myself having to issue a toilet decree. Before I could act on it, my queen and daughter were kidnaped by the evil talking purple jellybean. There was a huge jellybean hunt and 100's of square feet were covered in the search. In the end, the scoundrel was captured in a remote closet on the outskirts of our world. When he was caught, he was quickly executed by our henchman Lauren who chose death by stomach acid for the treacherous candy.

With the wife and kid safe, I went back to the toilet issue. Where the devil was I too find 10 or so toilets on the fly. Lucky for me, there was a landfill on counter island where another culture had left the remains of hundreds of plastic eggs. I had my peasants karate chop the eggs in two and use the smaller halves as decorative toilets in their homes. Ou'la, problem solved. I went to the top of Mt. Couch to meditate on my successful day. While I was there I met a fatherless family. I asked sadly what happened to the father. Apparently the father had been killed in the Great Shopkin War. Helen, the main talker for this family was very helpful in giving me the details. Apparently the War was against the Squinkies. An inferior race we fought to extinction on shopping isles everywhere. I felt a chill. Could Winter be coming? Yes, at the moment we were victorious, but what murderous toy could come along and replace us. Perhaps I needed to spend more time with the LPS guys, they have been around for decades. Good thing I did not let the Queen run them out of town, they could be our ticket to survival!

And with that, I retired the kingdom to the kids because lets face it, they can deal with murderous toys and toilet issues. I am the only one who can deliver chicken nuggets and mac and cheese to hungary empire builders.