Divorce, marriage laid to rest.

Yesterday I saw a friend who casually, in that there was really nothing casual about it way, said, "Oh, you do know I am going through a divorce."  "No, I didn't, I am so sorry."  "It is fine," she said.  Of course it is not fine.  I suddenly understood why she switched jobs stressing over money and flexibility.  Why she looks exhausted and on the verge of tears when I see her.  Why she is often with her daughter's teachers discussing behavior and grades.  I think divorce is so common place in our society that we tend to forget how difficult it really is.

In my mid-twenties I married someone and within 6 months I knew it was a mistake.  My first real failure as an adult.  I felt miserable and guilty for being so preoccupied with what 1 out of every 3 couples goes through.  Fortunately for me, my wonderfully wise hippy friend Rena looked at me hard one day at work and realized what I was going through.  She slowly exhaled the fragrant cannabis into the crisp hill country air (yes, Wimberley in the early 90's, a great place to be a twenty something) and said, "You are grieving a death; a relationship born full of promise and joy.  When it dies, even if it should die, it is sad.  Let yourself mourn like you would the passing of anything......want a hit?"

That 3 sentence conversation was pivotal.  I finally understood the root of all the crazy feelings I was having.  I have often wanted to share the sentiment but it is hard to motivate words other than sorry to pop out.  Especially knowing the other person can barely get the divorce confession from their own lips.

Thank you Rena for always saying what you were thinking.  I will pass on the hit but oh how I would love to know where you are now.  We could meet up in some higher hill country...maybe Colorado and catch up over coffee and brownies.